The Court Jester

So, I have decided that I hate lawyers. I’ll admit it, I’m a rabid anti-lawite. Now before any pro lawyer type goes ballistic and sues me, let me say that my sister is a lawyer. Also, may I submit a recent experience for your consideration (lawyer talk for Here’s a little story).

I got drug (as a witness) into a lawsuit filed by a former coworker (from 5 years ago). He supposed that I had some incriminating information about my former employer (which I did not). His lawyers really wanted to depose me, so I was extended an invitation (a.k.a. subpoena) to meet with them as well as the defense counsel. In order to confirm my address for the subpoena, someone concocted an elaborate scheme to trick me into thinking that I was giving my address to a potential client. When I tried to call the individual back based on the phone number on my caller ID, I was connected to this former coworkers’ cell phone. Hmmm, already fishy.

I was eventually deposed and videotaped. I had hoped that that was all. But no, I then got subpoenaed by both sides to testify at trial. A couple of days before the trial, I called to confirm the time to be there and they told me that it had been continued until a later date. Apparently they had no intention of letting me know that. Nice communication!

A few months later I get another 2 subpoenas, one from each side. I called the prosecution to try to find out when I will be testifying. As it turns out, THEY DON’T WANT ME! But the defense still did. That’s irony. The people that took the time to hunt me down decide that they would rather not have my information but their opponents would. It took 4 phone calls to the defense to find out when I would be testifying. It was finally set. Wouldn’t you know it, right in the middle of Finals at school! Of course, my schedule and convenience don’t really matter when there’s cash on the line. I had to get special permission to miss my final anatomy lab (we are required to be at all sessions). I was to be at trial at 1:30 PM on Tuesday.

Then on Monday at 3:30, I got a call from the defense. They now needed me there at 9:30 in the morning. They were anticipating finishing early and didn’t want to have to wait until the afternoon for my testimony. Great, now I have to quickly rearrange my morning to accommodate them. Plus, my wife and I were planning on attending a temple session since the trial was about 5 miles from the temple. That was not going to happen now, too.

So, I get up and drive the 1 hour 30 minutes in rush hour to the courthouse. I was prompt at 9:30. Wouldn’t you know it… I waited until 12:00 before ANYONE gave me an update on when I would testify. “After the lunch break at 1:15 sharp”, they told me. So I went to lunch, fairly put out. I got back at 1:10 and waited around until 1:35 to testify. I was asked a total of 12 questions (including my name and occupation) that lasted 7 minutes!!! The answers that I gave were confirmation of facts they already knew. Then they dismissed me.

I understand that I am not paying their bills, but come on. A little common courtesy would do wonders for their already less-than-pristine image. If this whole experience never happens again, it’ll still be too soon!